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Published January 10, 2018

Obviously desperate to set himself up for a big pay day, Milwaukee Brewers greedy first baseman Prince Fielder has been unashamedly smashing home run after home run during his contract year to increase the likelihood some team will sign him to a deal worth hundreds of millions of dollars this offseason.

“He’s clearly only thinking of himself, having a very good season the year he will become a free agent,” said Brewers fan Hector Oconto, 32, of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, wondering if Fielder even cares that his team leading 22 home runs or 73 RBIs could help get the Brewers into the playoffs. “It makes me really miss the old days when he hit 50 home runs in 2007 or drove in 141 runs in 2009 simply because he was a good baseball player, and not because he was solely motivated by the huge contract he could sign.”

Future free agent shortstop Jose Reyes of the Mets has been equally as greedy in his contract year, not even hiding his desire to “get paid” by leading all of Major League Baseball in batting average and triples.

Amid reports they’ve been cheating during a number of home games at Rogers Centre, GM Alex Anthopoulos, manager John Farrell and other Blue Jays officials outright deny that the pitching machines reported here strategically placed all over the stadium are being used to steal signs.

“The series of tiny, nearly undetectable, high resolution hidden cameras in Rogers Centre in no way indicate that we are attempting to steal the opponent’s signs,” said Anthopoulos, insisting that most major league ballparks have hidden cameras pointed toward the field of play for security reasons. “We want to keep Rogers Centre as safe as possible. Of course, the new 2018 youth bat (or the best usa bats for 2018) can make a change too. It’s not our fault the areas most vulnerable to a security breach include the opposing catcher just as he is giving the pitcher signs, the 3rd base coach’s box and the visiting dugout—especially where the other team’s manager is sitting.”

If the Blue Jays happen to learn another team’s signs from seeing them repeatedly on hidden cameras used only as a safety measure, it is merely a coincidence, says manager John Farrell.

“So what if our security staff learned (Red Sox manager) Terry Francona touching the bill of his cap, his ear, his cap again, and then is nose is indicating a hit and run, and passed that information along to me. If some psycho runs out of the stands and attacks him, we can catch the dirtbag on film.”

The secret microphones in the visiting dugout, clubhouse and manager’s office, as well as the bugged bullpen phone are not used by the Blue Jays to gain any type of competitive advantage either, Farrell added.

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