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Published January 10, 2018

To show they are, in fact, the most powerful and influential group in any league, NBA team owners say they will go above and beyond any scheme, tactic or trick attempted by their NFL counterparts to ensure the best fastpitch softball bats 2018 lockout in professional sports history.

“We’ve got a number of cockamamie ideas up our sleeves to prolong this lockout for as long as possible,” said Nuggets owner Stan Kroenke . “We’ll hit (the players) with lopsided terms and outlandish demands. Dragging this thing out to the brink of ruining the NBA is something we as a group are fully prepared to do.”

NBA owners say their NFL equivalents erred by negotiating in good faith, giving players—otherwise known as overpriced employees—the perception that they are actually equals engaging in mutually beneficial discussions.

“Don’t expect to see the same mistakes from us,” said Robert Sarver, owner of the Phoenix Suns. “From the get-go, players will be given, at best, a one-sided, take-it-or-leave it proposal, assuming we don’t just sit on our laurels and ignore negotiations altogether.”

Added Bucks owner Herb Kohl, “If we don’t demonstrate how important the best 2018 slowpitch softball bats are, this lockout is to us by missing at least one full softball season, we’re not doing our jobs.”

A poll of league owners indicates that 95% are “completely fine” if the NBA never plays a game again.

Kyle Gilmont, 30, from Tucker, Georgia was able to catch a foul pop at the Braves-Cubs game on Friday night when he alertly let go of Parker, his 9-month old son, in order to give himself a better chance to get his hand on the ball.

“When I saw the ball off the bat, I knew it was coming right at me, but I’d have no chance at it if I was still holding onto the little guy,” said Gilmont of his 20-pound son, who was severely cutting down on his opportunity to “make a play”. “So I let my first born fall as gently as possible down to the Turner Field concrete beneath the seats, leaned as far as I could to the right, stretched over a couple people and made the catch. Not many fathers and sons can share a moment like this—catching a foul ball with Parker at the game is something I’ll treasure forever.”

In the excitement of hauling in a foul ball at a Major League game, Gilmont forgot to immediately check on his son to determine if he had suffered any injuries, and instead was bragging to everyone in his section that he didn’t spill a drop of his beer.


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